Finding Femininity on the Treadmill

Four months ago, I laced up my trainers and stepped onto the treadmill with a goal that was simple on the surface but deeply personal underneath: to get back into my size 16 dress and feel more feminine in my own skin. Since then, I’ve been running 10 kilometres, three times a week, and with a calorie-controlled diet, I’ve managed to lose just over two and a half stone so far.

But this journey has become about more than just losing weight. Every step on the treadmill feels like I’m running toward her—the feminine side of me I’ve missed, the part that feels alive in a dress, in heels, in clothes that fit the way they’re meant to. Each run brings me closer not just to a goal on the scale, but to feeling graceful and confident again.

What I didn’t expect is how closely this journey ties into my body’s hormones. It feels like a rhythm, a constant back-and-forth between testosterone and estrogen. As fat cells shrink, estrogen decreases and testosterone rises. And yet, instead of dulling that feminine energy, this shift seems to awaken her. It’s a strange paradox: the stronger and fitter I feel, the more insistent she becomes. Maybe that’s balance. Maybe it’s simply her refusing to be silenced.

 

I’ve realised that carrying extra weight doesn’t just change how I look—it changes how I feel. Dresses that once made me feel elegant started to feel like costumes. Heels felt awkward instead of sexy. Even makeup couldn’t mask the heaviness that made me feel bulky, more masculine than I wanted. Running has helped me strip that all back. With every kilometre, I feel a little lighter, a little closer to slipping into that size 16 dress and seeing her reflection smiling back at me.

There’s a special kind of magic in femininity—it’s not only in what we wear, but in how we carry ourselves. For too long, I felt that magic had faded. I missed looking in the mirror and seeing her, not out of vanity but out of recognition. That’s what I’m chasing when I run: the return of that quiet confidence, that feminine spark.

Of course, there are days when body image gets in the way. A bad mirror angle, a photo I didn’t expect, the wrong lighting—and suddenly doubt creeps in. But I’m learning to see those moments not as setbacks, but as reminders. They show me where the healing still needs to happen, and they remind me that self-love is something I have to practice, not something I can just tick off.

This journey isn’t just about weight loss. It’s about reconnecting with the woman inside me, the one who feels beautiful and true. The hormones will keep shifting, and the urge to dress will sometimes whisper and sometimes roar—but that’s okay. I’m listening now. And with each run, I’m not just getting closer to my dress size—I’m getting closer to her.

Thanks for reading

 Lotte x