From Obsession to Expression: The Pull of Blue Nail Polish & Silver Jewellery

Originally shared on my old blog back in January 2022, I’m revisiting this post today because I still find myself obsessed with Lotti’s blue nail polish and silver jewellery. There’s just something about that look, so simple yet so captivating, that continues to inspire me.

Lotti Benardout

It was just after Christmas, 2021, when I found myself captivated by a live performance of the British trip-hop band Haelos on YouTube. It wasn’t just the music that stayed with me, though it was ethereal and hypnotic, but the subtle, almost imperceptible details of Lotti’s style. Her deep blue nail polish, the silver rings on her fingers, the delicate silver bracelets glinting in the light, there was a quiet elegance in her look that seemed to speak directly to something inside me. It wasn’t admiration for the aesthetic alone, but something deeper, a yearning to replicate that very style, to embody it in some way.

Struggling with my gender identity and having a love for all things feminine, Lotti’s look resonated with me in a way I couldn’t ignore. The combination of the dark blue nails and the silvery jewellery felt like it was me in a way I hadn't been able to express before. It was a side of myself, tucked away for years, that suddenly felt so clear and undeniable. It wasn’t just about the look, it was the way it aligned with my inner self, a kind of mirror to the parts of me I’ve kept hidden, even from myself at times.

I became obsessed. The need to find that exact shade of blue nail polish, Essie’s Aruba Blue, became my quiet mission. I didn’t just want the polish for its beauty; I wanted it because it felt like an act of self-recognition. I wanted to see myself in it, to wear it as a symbol of the parts of me I’ve kept under wraps for so long. So, when my wife and daughter asked me to join them on a shopping trip to the city centre on New Year’s Eve, I couldn’t resist the chance to hunt for it. Not for the sales, not for the typical New Year’s Eve shopping spree, but for the opportunity to claim that little piece of me.

It didn’t take long to find the exact shade I was after. There was something almost triumphant about picking up that bottle of Aruba Blue at Superdrug, as though it validated my desire. But the craving didn’t end there. 

 

As we wandered through Marks & Spencer, admiring the sale items, I found myself fixating not on the clothes themselves, but on the feeling I imagined from owning them, what it would be like to express that side of me more openly. To wear the delicate florals, the soft fabrics, and the silver jewellery that seemed to echo what I saw in Lotti’s effortless style.

Later, while waiting outside a supermarket for my wife and daughter, I wandered into a couple of women’s shoe stores. It wasn’t really about the shoes, but the act of imagining myself in them, of taking that next step in fully embracing my feminine side. Even though I left empty-handed, it was as if I was subconsciously testing the waters, letting myself wonder what it would be like to dress in a way that felt authentic, that matched who I feel I am inside.

That night, back home with my family, as we relaxed around the television for New Year’s Eve, I couldn’t shake the thought: Why is this so important to me? Why do I crave this specific look so much?

It’s a question I’ve been grappling with for years, but I think I’m finally starting to understand. The blue nail polish, the silver jewellery, the subtle elegance of femininity, it’s not just about a style. It’s a form of self-expression, a way of honouring a part of me that is often pushed to the sidelines. It's about wearing something that feels true, not because I’m trying to fit a mould, but because I’m finally coming to terms with who I am. A part of me that, for too long, I kept hidden away.

black, blue & silver

As I sat there back in January 2022 writing the original post, I was still thinking about Lotti’s jewellery weeks later. I could really feel the pull of those silver rings and bracelets. It would come as no surprise to learn that I would find myself purchasing similar pieces in time, as I’d always been a huge fan of silver jewellery. And I loved the combination of the black jumper dress, the blue nail polish, and the silver jewellery. It was a look that’d become a kind of silent expression of who I wanted to be, a way to wear the parts of myself I’d only recently allowed myself to embrace.

Is it just me, or do others find themselves captivated by someone else’s style, by the clothes, the jewellery, the little details that seem to reflect a part of ourselves we’ve been reluctant to show? And if we do, what is it that draws us in? The allure of something beautiful? Or the quiet recognition that it’s more than just an aesthetic, it’s a way of telling the world who we truly are?

Oh and if you're interested, here is the YouTube video of that live performance by Haelos: 

Doesn't Lotti look lovely in that black dress with her gorgeous blue nails and her brightly polished silver jewellery. 

Thanks for reading 

Lotte x